I saw you passing by, little did I know the struggles you were facing. Today was the day that you found out that there was nothing left to do. The cancer had won. Now it was simply a waiting game. Waiting to die. Not knowing how the end will be. Will there be a lot of pain? Will you recognize your loved ones even in those last days? Will there be time to say goodbye or will you spend the last days in a coma?
What about your children? They are still very young. How will their life be, growing up without a father? Will they be okay or will this tragic event forever scar them? Preventing them from living the life they could have lived if you hadn’t gone and died on them way too early.
What about your wife? Will she be okay? Raising two small kids on her own. Without you to help make the important decisions. Will she meet someone new? Will she be able to fall in love with someone else? Hopefully, she will. She deserves to be loved.
The immense pain that you will cause everyone you are leaving behind. At times, the feeling of guilt is unbearable. But you didn’t choose this. No one chooses this. You were simply unlucky. Drew the shortest straw.
It could have been me. It could have been you.
What wouldn’t you give to have one more year with them? Your loved ones. How does one value a life? Can its worth be measured? All you know is that you would give up everything if that could buy you more time with your family. To hear your children’s laughter. See how proud your daughter is when she shows you the horse she drew. How enthusiastic your son is now that he discovered how exciting it is to read books. Will she continue to draw horses even when you are gone? Will he continue to read books? You think so. You hope so. But it’s out of your control.
It’s time to reconcile with you leaving forever. Is that even possible? How do you prepare to die? You don’t know. It’s not like you’ve done it before. There is no dress rehearsal for this. You simply have to take it one step at the time and see where it takes you. There is no open ending, though, you know how it will end. And you know that even when you are gone, the sun will rise and life will continue as it always has. That, in some weird way, brings you some comfort.
You look at the people passing you by. They know nothing about the battle you are in the middle of. You feel like screaming at them. To make them stop and think about there life. Be grateful for what they have. To stop rushing through life trying to get the next promotion. There are other far more important things at stake here. But you remain silent. It’s up to them to find out for themselves. Maybe someone you just passed by is facing a battle of her own, what do you know. All you know is that sometimes you get so tired listening to people complaining about little things that don’t mean anything.
That was before. Now you don’t care what other people moan about. You’ve stopped listening. You’re too busy listening to the people that matter to you and living every day to the fullest. Knowing that every day is counted. That the number is finite and probably not high. How high there is no way of knowing.
It could have been me. It could have been you.
You look at the people in the street. Their number of days are also counted and it’s impossible to know the exact figure. However, most of them act as if they are going to live forever. The young ones are excused, they are supposed to feel invincible. But the others are living in self denial. Most of them are not living the life that they truly want to. Working hard at some job that they don’t really like. Only looking forward to those few vacation weeks every year. Those precious days when you are meant to be so happy and do whatever you want to. They haven’t understood that life is every day.
Every. Single. Day.
You have to make the most of every day. Make every day count.
At least that is something your death will teach the people around you. To make every day count. It’s just a pity that you dying was the only way for them to learn. Okey, in all fairness, some of your friends actually had figured that out for themselves without having some big trauma. Indeed, they seem to be the most content even though they might not have as much material wealth as some of your other friends do.
Time to go. Time to pick up the kids from school. It’s a lovely summer day. Just a few days left until their summer leave. The last summer you will spend with them. You know that you will make every day count. Give them the best summer they could possibly have. Let them know that you love them every day. Teach them about what matters in life. And then send them on their way.
It could have been me. It could have been you.
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